It's been a while.
I know.
But who really cares.
This is my own personal journal.
Stuff I want to remember.
When I no longer remember...
I'll update.
This is what I keep busy with.
In between regular every day stuff
This is what I do for play.

Knitting is my go to.

Always need to keep moving

If not with my legs,

at the very least with my hands.

I have a client who commissions me to make complicated intricate patterns.

And I love the challenge.

Always learning something new.

If it was cold here for more than a week
I would make it for myself.

Tracht Gut Vet Zein Gut

"We can complain that rose bushes have thorns
or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."
There are ways to change the way you are accustomed to thinking.
But you have to do the work.
Let's get going.
First things first.

SMILE
So simple
Practice by looking in the mirror.
Take a picture of yourself smiling and not smiling
Which you do YOU like better?
                                                                                                                        
READ POSITIVE THINKING QUOTES
Get these words in to your head
Chant them all through the day.  
Pretty soon they will become you.
                  
MUSIC
Happy happy happy happy!
Get those earplugs in and dance in your room for a full 5 minutes.
5 minute could change the next 24 hours.
That I guarantee is the one that works the quickest and the best.

HELP SOMEONE
In Tanya the Alter Rebbe speaks of the great importance of Tzedakah.
A Sefer designed to improve OURSELVES
So why is GIVING to someone else part of the work?
Because it helps YOU
more than the other person.
So give.
A hug
a smile
a kind word.
Your heart will fill up when you see what you can do for someone else...

CHOOSE POSITIVE FRIENDS
Sometimes we are surrounded by negative people
They might be related to us
or we may be working with them.
But we are not surrounded by them all the time.
So when you have the opportunity to choose
let positive people be your only choice.

And most importantly...

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
for the choices YOU make with the circumstances given to you.
I've heard the excuse
'I had no choice'
too many times.
How do people convince themselves of this idiotic crippling thought?
Why?
Because it gives them a way out.
Changing your thought process is not impossible.
It takes time.
Start with small steps.
Cultivate new habits.
Make the life-long commitment
to look inside yourself
and be willing to change.
Do you know what I love about working on my inner self?
Acknowledging to myself that I am still young enough to make changes.
As long as I am working on myself
I will never grow old...

I am by no means an artist
but I make art.
You may not be Ms. Happy
but you could make happy!

We Are Our Choices...

We start off by making choices.

And at the end the choices MAKE US.

Make good choices

because that is who you will become.

Make a choice to be 

happy

productive

self motivated

curious

humble

and

respectful.

Guarantied success.
My choices were clear from the start.
My heritage taught me.
FAMILY.
Have as many children as you can.
I was young.
I didn't understand.
But I listened.
And now I have
children who love us
and each other.
Is there any better choice?......

Photography credits
www.rachelfellig.com

Do You Know Where You're Going?

Do you sometimes wonder how you started out in one place
going in a certain direction,
or so you thought,
and ended up somewhere else entirely?
I don't think this happens to all of us.
But it certainly happens to many of us.
I've been in the 'people' business for many years.
And I can tell you some people really know their direction.
They make plans
and with G-d's help they get  there.
More or less.
I was never that kind of person.
I kind of wing it.
But as I get older
I wish
I was a planning kind of person.
Which would mean
you make choices
and stick with them.
You continue to make choices
to support your original choices
and that's how you get where you want to go.
Its not a foolproof plan
but I've seen it work.
When I create
I follow both concepts.
Sometimes I plan.
Like in this sweater I made for my son.
Wonderful patten.
HERRINGBONE CARDIGAN.
I had to follow every stitch.
And it was so worth it.

I added the hat and scarf.
How could I not?
Want to keep him warm.

He decided to share with his son!

Then I go to this craziness.
Trying to make some art.
Not exactly any rules for me here.
so I start with this:

Which is actually not bad.

But I couldn't leave well enough alone.

so I did more 'patchking'

and ended up with this.

Interesting.

But not exactly what I hoped for.

Oh well.

I can always try again.

And here is a cardigan I started ages ago.

Finally made something for myself.

Yarn was given to me by a dear friend.

Last Sunday I forced myself to figure out how I would bring some excitement to the design.

I hate leaving unfinished projects before I start a new one.

This was in a bag for at least six months.

I found this wonderful leftover piece of lace

and 5 hours later

voila!

So very happy with the result.

An example of no plan
that went right!
So there you have it.
Put one foot in front of the other
and
GO!
“My direction? Anywhere. Because one is always nearer by not keeping still.” 

I never got to go to Greece...

I never got to travel the world and collect stuff from thrift shops to remind me of everything....
I never got to go to art school...
I never got to become a personal trainer...
I never got to hike for a week all by myself...
I never got to go to a fashion show and sit next to Anna Wintour...
I never got to become a famous author...
(don't really want that, just want to write like one)
I never got to be on Shlichus...
I never got to take voice lessons...
I never got to be the one with a good memory...
I never got to be the girl who dyes her hair blue and gets away with it...
(doesn't mean I'm not frum, it just means I'm arsty!)
I never got to live in Manhattan and walk walk walk...
I never got to go to Greece..
Or Spain...
or Venice...
or the Grand Canyon...
I never got to take dance lessons...
or become a makeup artist...
I never got to go to a JLI retreat...
I never got to learn mosaics...
I never got to become a therapist...
(ok maybe that one I did. After all I'm a Sheitel-macher)
I never got to become an excellent quilter...
or a media artist
or a jewelry designer
or even a cake artist...
I never got to wander through used book stores...
I never got to have my own art/craft room where I could throw paint on the walls...
I never got to bike across America...
I never got to write a cookbook...
I never got to publish a Scrapbooking for Everyone by Faygie Fellig...
I never got to lock myself away and create for days on end...
I never got to 'choose' where what and why...
But what I did get was
beautiful children
who nurture me,
encourage me
and make every day significant in various meaningful ways..
eg.
They respond to my jokes
(lol, lmao, ma you crack me up)
push me to take care of myself
cheer me on when I undertake new projects.
They keep me up to date and relevant.
I know how to use and Iphone
navigate the computer
and watch Ted.com.
Seeing life through their eyes is all the adventure I need.
Ups, downs and arounds,
it's what Hashem chose for me.
and that makes it amazing.
 ......which brings me to

I'm working on something new.
I want to paint on a canvas.
It's a first for me.
Very intimidating.
No idea where to start.
But start I did.
We'll see where it takes me.
First draft...
Started with some paint

a few hours later I had this

'patchkied' around till I finished with this

Not done yet.

We'll see...

Maybe I'll add some of this

or a quote....

hmmm.....

or paint over the whole damn thing.(I sense frustration!)

IDK! 

but I'll keep you posted....

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. Twyla Tharp

A hug from far...

There is no greater blessing than birthing a child.
When I got married I was young and naive.
I thought having children was a given.
What did I know about the world?
All I knew was my own little corner
in Crown Heights.
I had never even gone overseas until I was married.
Seems impossible now to imagine
how information needed to be accessed through sheer will
versus today
when you can plop down in front of a computer
and sit in a chair
casually drinking coffee
as you access the entire world
without burning one single calorie!
And the years speed by,
making the memories of my youth appear so simple and uncomplicated.
There is still one basic human function
which never changes.
Having children would be the one life experience
that connects us to our ancestors.
There is no 'more improved' way to experience a natural miracle.
We all are one, united in that moment
when Hashem grants us the gift of life.
Allowing us to feel a tiny moment of creation in it's essence.
How grateful I am for this awesomeness in my life.
Having children
and watching my children have children.
It leaves me trembling with gratitude.
Nothing compares...
I don't live near all my grandchildren so I don't get to hug and kiss them as much as I would like.
What I do instead is KNIT.
Each stitch represents a little kiss I string together
to create something they can wrap around themselves
as a substitute for a hug.
When my grandson was born I made a soft yummy blanket.

A hug from Bubby.

I love this pattern.

Now he is  a year older and needs a much bigger hug.

Now here's a lot of huggin!

I hope I can keep making hugs for many years 

for as many miracles as Hashem will grant me.

Just waiting...

“You will face your greatest opposition when you are closest to your biggest miracle.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

...And while I contemplate this quote I draw...

and draw...

 and draw...

and BTW

Tzviky

I'm working on the scarf you asked me to make for you.

You're going to wear it

IN GOOD HEALTH

till 120!